Why I’m Not Blogging

I’ve been at this since July 2006, doing my thing. Writing when I’ve
felt inspired, irked, righteously indignant, touched, happy and sad.
Blogging has become a significant and meaningful part of my life, one
where I am able to express myself on my terms, write about issues
rattling around in my head, and to connect with people across the world
and from different walks of life. Discovering blogging has truly been a
gift. It is hard to imagine living without my blog.

Then why am I
less interested in blogging than I’ve been in nearly three years? While
I’m certainly not the most prolific blogger, I’ve created a veritable
War and Peace of content during my blogging career. 2-4 times per week,
very consistently, with a few 2-week “vacations” and some jags where
I’ve written nearly ever day for weeks. But I can honestly say that
I’ve never felt less interested in writing than right now. I generally
keep a list of potential topics and I currently have stuff on that
list, but whenever I look at it I think, “That’s work.” Blogging has
never been work to me, so that kind of feeling is both unpleasant and
scary. Have I lost my inspiration? Has my well run dry? I have written
a lot about a wide array of topics, and my writing tends to be pretty
intense and detailed, not little pithy entries or linkfests, so maybe
I’m just spent. Or maybe…something else is going on.

I know my
feelings have to be anything but unique, but I am mainly interested in
the “why.” Has anything changed in my life over the past, say, three
months, when the frequency of my postings has notably declined? Well,
after passionate and enthusiastic writing about the economic crisis,
the Obama Administration, the Treasury, Paulson, Bernanke, etc. I just
got tired. Is it because of the “bear market bounce?” Maybe. Is it
because I don’t want to simply write derivative crap of the stuff I’ve
written previously? Possibly. Is it because I don’t feel anyone gives a
shit what I say? I’m sure that plays a part in it, too. I tried really
hard for a period to be heard by those in Washington, in positions of
power, but to no avail. There were plenty of voices to be heard, and
mine simply was not one of them.

But there has been some other
stuff that has been going on as well. I’ve never worked harder at my
investment business, IA Capital Partners. Between working on new
investments, my Board commitments (which I take very, very seriously),
some advisory work with some of my companies and considering taking
some outside capital, it has been pretty time consuming. Also, my
trading company, Kinetic Trading, has been taking lots of time. I’ve
been very focused on building this business, and it has been going very
well. Starting something from scratch is hard, and making the
transition from a “virtual” company to an organization with a home
base, employees, strategic partners and outside capital is very
exciting but a tremendous amount of work. Finally, I’ve been super
committed to my boys and their love of baseball. Coaching my older
son’s team and supporting my wife in her coaching of my younger son’s
team (and acting as their pitching coach) is a labor of love in the
Spring, but man, does it take time. No complaints, but I feel as if I
spend 50 hours a week on my feet. Oh, and then there is my Board work
for my kids’ school, Little Red School House/Elisabeth Irwin High
School (LREI). Again, a labor of love and something I deeply believe in
(progressive education, humanism, providing opportunities to children
across the socioeconomic continuum, etc.), but I chair the Finance
Committee (making me Treasurer), am a leader in fund-raising and other
stuff. In short, I’m in pretty deep.

So when all of this is
mushed around, I think my lack of interest in writing has less to do
with time (I’ve never had any, anyway; I’ve always just created time to
write somehow) and more to do with lack of mind share. My brain is
pretty stuffed with all my current interests and responsibilities, and
I simply don’t have the opportunity to contemplate my navel and think
deep thoughts right now. My thinking is much more task-focused, much
more project oriented. And since my blog isn’t a business for me, it is
a passion and an outlet, I’m simply not compelled to write. It’s sad,
but true. While this is my current state, I am hopeful that when things
calm down I’ll once again feel the inspiration and have the mental
capacity to get back to it. On a certain level I feel guilty about not
writing; I feel like I’m letting my readers down. But even more
importantly I simply miss it. I miss the feedback, the dialogue, the
back-and-forth, the spurring of new ideas that come from those who
comment on this blog. And if I don’t write, I completely miss this
dynamic.

In the immortal words of the Governor of California, I’ll be back. I just wish I knew when.